Finding joy and deep meaning with your dog. The spiritual benefits of the relationship.

This is not about the hero dog who saves your life. Or the service dog who works all day to improve your life. 

No, it’s about the everyday dog kept by many people. How she can change your life and take it to a new level.

The kind of human-dog relationship I’m referring to is a life-changing transformation, one that lifts you to a new level of joy and understanding.

Something for all dog lovers

I can’t say it works this well for everyone, but everyone will experience some of this deep joy–if they’re open to it. And that has been so important to me in my personal experience.

If you’re a dog owner, there’s a good chance you already know what I’m talking about. You’re just looking for more.

It might depend on the dog, and it certainly depends on your relationship with the dog, on its quality and depth.

From ages 4 to 13, I had several dogs. The experience was enjoyable, but I never had the depth of relationship I desired. And I had no idea how to achieve it or even how much was even possible for me.

Then I experienced this privileged world.

I watched kids on TV, like Jeff from Lassie, and how they lived with their dogs. I was envious of that closeness–something I never had with my own dogs.

Not anymore. With Augie, my last canine friend and with Lola, my current one, I experience a bond deeper than I could have imagined. Way better than the ones I saw and envied on TV.

They became much more to me than the mere pets I had before. 

It started with two business women who were clients I worked for. They have since become my best friends.

They are dog lovers. A calm openness to all dogs is part of their nature. Gradually it opened me up to the awesome experiences I’ve had during the last 10 years. And it resulted in new expectations of what was possible for me and for anyone who wanted to live in this privileged world.

It was not only the specific things they taught me. It was their attitude and sensitivity to all things canine that inspired that same awareness in me. 

A few people have the wisdom to see what’s out there with dogs and what’s valuable in our relationships with them. Sadly most people never experience the light of this inner world.

An Opportunity Presents Itself

Several times my friends would ask me if I wanted to adopt a dog. Each time I instantly said ‘no.’ No room in my crowded life or in my living quarters at the time.

I wasted a couple years with that kind of stupidity. Then one day I said ‘yes.’

I knew I was going to enjoy having the dog, but I had no idea what was to come. Neither the heartaches nor the exhilaration.

How the pain of loss shows it was all worth it

Some people try to forget the pain that comes when you lose them. But that’s part of the contract. The heartaches are the dark side of having a loved dog in your life. 

The pain you feel is excruciating. Even people without the deep relationships I’m discussing feel that pain.

But this agony is also a sign of the priceless experience of love you have enjoyed with your friend. 

Those heartaches are a sign of how lucky you were. No one ever felt that way when their car or refrigerator stopped working. 

Some people see this as a reason to not get involved or to not do it again.

Though I understand their wish to avoid the pain, I can’t agree with their decision. You can’t have beauty without ugliness. Joy without sorry. The full meaning of an experience comes from its opposites.

It’s foolish to think you can have the blessings of the life with a dear canine companion without the eventual moments of suffering when it ends.

It’s equally foolish to give up on the treasure because someday you’ll lose it.

My first dog as an adult ushered in a new world.

When I adopted Augie, a Pit Bull mix, one of my friends told me he would become a great companion and my best friend.

Augie

I thought this was all a bit over the top. I was eager to get Augie, but companion and best friend? I didn’t think I needed a companion and doubted that a dog could become a best friend.

It took me a few months to realize I was totally wrong on both counts. During that time Augie transitioned from pet to family member to best friend.

First I gave him his own bedroom to stay in when I left him alone and at night. He hated it.

All night long he would scratch at the door to be let out. During the third night I relented and moved his bed to the floor next to mine.

When it rained, he was terrified of the thunder and would ask to come into my bed. After a while I gave in.

Then he wanted to sleep next to me every night. Again I gave in. By this time he had gone way beyond being a best friend, none of whom I ever invited into my bed.

This kind of relationship never stops growing.

Gradually everything changed. Our communication and mutual understanding got better. We could get a glimpse of what was going on inside each other. We couldn’t talk to each other, but we communicated constantly.

I was interested in what he was thinking and feeling. And stranger yet, he seemed interested in what I was thinking and feeling. I soon realized that he was better at reading me than I was at reading him.

This led to my re-education. There are countless ways in which dogs are wiser than we are. And it’s a good idea to observe them carefully.

They can be patient when we would get confused. And excited over little things we would hardly notice. Often they teach us by showing us how to live in the moment. 

Lola

They have a sense of fairness, frequently exceeding our own. Studies show they lose respect for humans when they see them behaving unfairly to dogs or other humans, even if it doesn’t pertain to themselves. So the cliché about dogs not judging us isn’t always true.

It’s like they have an inner sense of the way things should be. Once you get used to watching them, you’ll see examples of this almost every day.

In their behavior, they often show a kind of nobility that ennobles us for being a part of it. Even some of the comfortable positions they slip into while resting shows an ease we usually lack.

In many ways their behavior is so much more aware than ours is. And that awareness leads to appreciation. It’s obvious in their body language.

Their hyper-awareness of good things

Lola, my current dog, gets a cookie when she comes in from her last trip to the backyard.

If it’s a small cookie, she gobbles it down in the kitchen before going to bed. But if it’s a bigger cookie, she holds it in her mouth and prances briskly into the bedroom. 

She’s looking for the right place to relish her last snack of the day. She’s adjusting the conditions to heighten her delight. This has become a nightly ritual.

How often do you see people so  exuberant in the moment? Countless times I’ve seen people in gourmet French restaurants just devour their food without any sign of appreciation.

What about how your dog greets you when you return after being away for a while, maybe a very short while? For dog lovers, this body-wagging greeting is the main thrill you get from coming back home.

Their greeting shows how big a deal this is for them. But many humans come back from being gone all day at work and can’t find the time or energy to even nod to the people they live with.

Neil deGrasse Tyson points out that the canine lifespan is about 1/7th of ours. It’s like they need to do a week’s worth of living in a single day to make up for their limited time.

As mutual understanding grows so do the rewards of the bond.

For thousands of years, mystics have urged us to live in the now. Dogs show how it’s done throughout the day.

Silent, authentic companionship, is something that’s almost impossible between two humans. But with dogs…

And it’s in those quiet moments that the two of you best understand each other. Much of the insight you get from your dog comes in times like these.

With extended eye contact and occasional head tilting, they reveal how hard they are trying to understand what we’re doing and saying.

Much of what you learn from your companion will be overlooked at the time. It will become accessible to you only in retrospect. And especially when you lose her companionship. Then, if you’re lucky, you’ll find another to share your life. 

This time you’ll be a wiser and more sensitive companion because of all that carries forward from your last relationship. This time your bond grows faster and maybe even closer.

In 1870, George G. Vest wrote the “Eulogy of the Dog.”

aThis is not about the hero dog who saves your life. Or the service dog who works all day to improve your life. 

No, it’s about the everyday dog kept by many people. How she can change your life and take it to a new level.

The kind of human-dog relationship I’m referring to is a life-changing transformation, one that lifts you to a new level of joy and understanding.

Something for all dog lovers

I can’t say it works this well for everyone, but everyone will experience some of this deep joy–if they’re open to it. And that has been so important to me in my personal experience.

If you’re a dog owner, there’s a good chance you already know what I’m talking about. You’re just looking for more.

It might depend on the dog, and it certainly depends on your relationship with the dog, on its quality and depth.

From ages 4 to 13, I had several dogs. The experience was enjoyable, but I never had the depth of relationship I desired. And I had no idea how to achieve it or even how much was even possible for me.

Then I experienced this privileged world.

I watched kids on TV, like Jeff from Lassie, and how they lived with their dogs. I was envious of that closeness–something I never had with my own dogs.

Not anymore. With Augie, my last canine friend and with Lola, my current one, I experience a bond deeper than I could have imagined. Way better than the ones I saw and envied on TV.

They became much more to me than the mere pets I had before. 

It started with two business women who were clients I worked for. They have since become my best friends.

They are dog lovers. A calm openness to all dogs is part of their nature. Gradually it opened me up to the awesome experiences I’ve had during the last 10 years. And it resulted in new expectations of what was possible for me and for anyone who wanted to live in this privileged world.

It was not only the specific things they taught me. It was their attitude and sensitivity to all things canine that inspired that same awareness in me. 

A few people have the wisdom to see what’s out there with dogs and what’s valuable in our relationships with them. Sadly most people never experience the light of this inner world.

An Opportunity Presents Itself

Several times my friends would ask me if I wanted to adopt a dog. Each time I instantly said ‘no.’ No room in my crowded life or in my living quarters at the time.

I wasted a couple years with that kind of stupidity. Then one day I said ‘yes.’

I knew I was going to enjoy having the dog, but I had no idea what was to come. Neither the heartaches nor the exhilaration.

How the pain of loss shows it was all worth it

Some people try to forget the pain that comes when you lose them. But that’s part of the contract. The heartaches are the dark side of having a loved dog in your life. 

The pain you feel is excruciating. Even people without the deep relationships I’m discussing feel that pain.

But this agony is also a sign of the priceless experience of love you have enjoyed with your friend. 

Those heartaches are a sign of how lucky you were. No one ever felt that way when their car or refrigerator stopped working. 

Some people see this as a reason to not get involved or to not do it again.

Though I understand their wish to avoid the pain, I can’t agree with their decision. You can’t have beauty without ugliness. Joy without sorry. The full meaning of an experience comes from its opposites.

It’s foolish to think you can have the blessings of the life with a dear canine companion without the eventual moments of suffering when it ends.

It’s equally foolish to give up on the treasure because someday you’ll lose it.

My first dog as an adult ushered in a new world.

When I adopted Augie, a Pit Bull mix, one of my friends told me he would become a great companion and my best friend.

Augie

I thought this was all a bit over the top. I was eager to get Augie, but companion and best friend? I didn’t think I needed a companion and doubted that a dog could become a best friend.

It took me a few months to realize I was totally wrong on both counts. During that time Augie transitioned from pet to family member to best friend.

First I gave him his own bedroom to stay in when I left him alone and at night. He hated it.

All night long he would scratch at the door to be let out. During the third night I relented and moved his bed to the floor next to mine.

When it rained, he was terrified of the thunder and would ask to come into my bed. After a while I gave in.

Then he wanted to sleep next to me every night. Again I gave in. By this time he had gone way beyond being a best friend, none of whom I ever invited into my bed.

This kind of relationship never stops growing.

Gradually everything changed. Our communication and mutual understanding got better. We could get a glimpse of what was going on inside each other. We couldn’t talk to each other, but we communicated constantly.

I was interested in what he was thinking and feeling. And stranger yet, he seemed interested in what I was thinking and feeling. I soon realized that he was better at reading me than I was at reading him.

This led to my re-education. There are countless ways in which dogs are wiser than we are. And it’s a good idea to observe them carefully.

They can be patient when we would get confused. And excited over little things we would hardly notice. Often they teach us by showing us how to live in the moment. 

Lola

They have a sense of fairness, frequently exceeding our own. Studies show they lose respect for humans when they see them behaving unfairly to dogs or other humans, even if it doesn’t pertain to themselves. So the cliché about dogs not judging us isn’t always true.

It’s like they have an inner sense of the way things should be. Once you get used to watching them, you’ll see examples of this almost every day.

In their behavior, they often show a kind of nobility that ennobles us for being a part of it. Even some of the comfortable positions they slip into while resting shows an ease we usually lack.

In many ways their behavior is so much more aware than ours is. And that awareness leads to appreciation. It’s obvious in their body language.

Their hyper-awareness of good things

Lola, my current dog, gets a cookie when she comes in from her last trip to the backyard.

If it’s a small cookie, she gobbles it down in the kitchen before going to bed. But if it’s a bigger cookie, she holds it in her mouth and prances briskly into the bedroom. 

She’s looking for the right place to relish her last snack of the day. She’s adjusting the conditions to heighten her delight. This has become a nightly ritual.

How often do you see people so  exuberant in the moment? Countless times I’ve seen people in gourmet French restaurants just devour their food without any sign of appreciation.

What about how your dog greets you when you return after being away for a while, maybe a very short while? For dog lovers, this body-wagging greeting is the main thrill you get from coming back home.

Their greeting shows how big a deal this is for them. But many humans come back from being gone all day at work and can’t find the time or energy to even nod to the people they live with.

Neil deGrasse Tyson points out that the canine lifespan is about 1/7th of ours. It’s like they need to do a week’s worth of living in a single day to make up for their limited time.

As mutual understanding grows so do the rewards of the bond.

For thousands of years, mystics have urged us to live in the now. Dogs show how it’s done throughout the day.

Silent, authentic companionship, is something that’s almost impossible between two humans. But with dogs…

And it’s in those quiet moments that the two of you best understand each other. Much of the insight you get from your dog comes in times like these.

With extended eye contact and occasional head tilting, they reveal how hard they are trying to understand what we’re doing and saying.

Much of what you learn from your companion will be overlooked at the time. It will become accessible to you only in retrospect. And especially when you lose her companionship.

Then, if you’re lucky, you’ll find another to share your life. 

This time you’ll be a wiser and more sensitive companion because of all that carries forward from your last relationship. This time your bond grows faster and maybe even closer.

In 1870, George G. Vest wrote the “Eulogy of the Dog.”

The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is the dog.

 

When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens. If fortune drives the master forth an outcast into the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him, to guard him against danger, to fight against his enemies.

 
And when the last scene of all comes, and death takes his master in its embrace and his body is laid in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws and his eyes sad but open, in alert watchfulness, faithful and true, even unto death.